Remembering the Mission - even when in Comfort

My relationship with Poetry is somewhat complicated; I left her in 2010 while trying to make it work with Actuarial Science and we are yet to properly reconcile. The betrayal is not something I am proud of for I almost lost the very essence of my being in the process. We met while I was still in high-school and I started actively engaging with her during my unplanned ‘gap-year’ in 2008. It was while intoxicated with the ecstasy of this love-affair that I was introduced to a poem titled ‘You will forget’ by Chenjerai Hove. The poem came to mind a few months ago while attending an event at the Institute for Justice and Reconciliation here in Cape Town. One of the panelists was a woman I met while studying in the Free State and the conversation that ensued between us was a very interesting one, an eye-opener. I shared with her my challenges of being new in the area. One of these challenges was that of finding my place at the University of Cape Town and finding my way around Cape Town as my new home. I guess part of the struggle was due in part to the advice I had received before setting off for the big city. I was warned not to fall prey to the 'white and liberal' bug. Although I deeply doubt the possibility of this, I was still worried. I was worried that in the comfort of this city I would forget about the concerns of my fellow Africans. I was worried that in the comfort of the city and that of my own privilege I would forget about my own personal mission to play an active role in Africa’s Renaissance.

I count this poem among my very personal favorites:

You will forget - Chenjerai Hove

If you stay in comfort too long

You will not know

The weight of a water pot

On the bald head of the village woman

You will forget

The weight of three bundles of thatch grass

On the sinewy neck of the woman

Whose baby cries on her back

For a blade of grass in its eyes

Sure, if you stay in comfort too long

You will not know the pain

Of child birth without a nurse in white

You will forget

The thirst, the cracked dusty lips

Of the woman in the valley

On her way to the headman who isn’t there

You will forget

The pouring pain of a thorn prick

With a load on the head.

If you stay in comfort too long

You will forget

The wailing in the valley

Of women losing a husband in the mines.

You will forget

The rough handshake of coarse palms

Full of teary sorrow at the funeral.

If you stay in comfort too long

You will not hear

The shrieky voice of old warriors sing

The songs of fresh storied battlefields.

You will forget

The unfeeling bare feet

Gripping the warm soil turned by the plough

You will forget

The voice of the season talking to the oxen.

On being Passionate in the NOW

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months, and even more over the past few weeks, about what I want my future to look like. I have had numerous conversations with friends and even with strangers about the notion of a J.O.B. and what it means to live in a capitalist society. It seems as if our existence is driven by the desire to consume. We get jobs so that we can pay bills, buy clothes and cars and go chill with our friends at the mall. It is weird really.

Anyway, in one of my conversations with self, I realized that I am afraid to follow my dreams. I thought I was going ALL the way with following my heart's desires, but I have since discovered that this is not necessarily the case. I have just finished reading Paulo Coelho's 'Adultery' and he put it so well for me. Following your dreams is flipping scary because you don't know what's going to happen in the next moment. For me, it means going against everything I have been taught since I was a little girl and just following my gut. Joseph Campbell termed it: "Follow your Bliss". Thing with following your gut is that it does not tell you where you are going to be in ten years; that old thing called security that we love so much. It only shows you what you want to be doing NOW, it only shows you what feels right for you NOW and its flipping unsettling not to have it tell you with certainty where you are going to be at the end of next year. 

A few months ago I decided to let go of the idea of a job, I mean I have nothing to lose since I am still at school. I wanted to just sit with myself and find out what I would want to do with my life if I didn't have to get a job and if money was not an object. Magic happened. I have had to be honest with myself and it has been quite uncomfortable but very rewarding. I have also had to shut out the voices of society and think only about me. These are some of the things I have had to shut out: "Tumelo, after finishing that degree just go get a really good job. You have been provided with the best education possible and it would be such a shame should you not do well for yourself (monetarily). Upon returning to Botswana, it would be really nice for you to buy a new car and show that the seven years of studying were worthwhile. With that Actuarial degree, how about you find a well paying job at Fair Grounds and interact with other ambitious young people who want to make tons of money and show off their material worth. Also, a nice house in an affluent neighborhood would not be such a bad thing."

We call her/him Society and I am not sure this is entirely true. I find that most of us go through our lives thinking that Society wants us to do this and that, we want to do the safe and acceptable thing. But is it not us who come up with these standards? I fear that most of us are not doing what we really want to be doing, what our hearts call us to do, out of fear of what our community and peers would think and what we would think of each other. Its crazy. One of friends recently quit her job after a near-death experience. She has realized that, given that she could die any minute, she cannot waste her life doing something she is not truly passionate about. As expected, the judgments are too many to count. She is not scared at all but people around her are terrified for her. Many want to know how she will pay for her car and how she will survive. Again, it seems like security is valued more than dancing to the music in our hearts.

I believe that we all want the same thing, we want to follow our hearts. The societal expectations that we so often speak about are only the expectations we have set for ourselves. I believe tons of magic would happen if we were each to just listen closely to our hearts and dance passionately to that music.

"I haven't the slightest interest in being happy. I prefer to live life passionately, which is dangerous because you never know what might happen next." - Adultery, Paulo Coelho

Of comfort zones and the need to ACT

The decision to move to Cape Town was not an easy one to make. I came to this cross-road after having lived and studied in Bloemfontein for five years. I believe I emerged a different person from when I had first arrived. These five years have been my best thus far and I am very excited about what lies ahead. This growth was due in part to my having become racialized. I only became aware of this fact last month, after eight months of living in Cape Town. This revelation came while conversing with a mentor and sharing with him my experiences of this beautiful yet very unequal city. I shared with him how I'd become ‘Black’ in 2009 after having crossed Botswana’s border into South Africa for the very first time. It was only on that evening that we realized I had become racialized and that my judgement of South African experiences (and society) had become biased in the process. This clouded judgement, if allowed to persist, will become detrimental to South Africa’s progress.

I have had to do a lot of reflection since I came to Cape Town at the beginning of the year. I had thought I had prudently counted the cost and 'ensured' against all the 'risks' that lay ahead as I ventured out of my comfort zone. I was to discover that I could not have anticipated many of the challenges that lay ahead. My biggest challenge proved to be of adjusting to a new living and studying environment. The adjustment to the University of Cape Town was difficult. I know that I am supposed to say it was challenging but, the truth is it was difficult. I believe the worst is over though, and I couldn't be more grateful for the lessons learnt.

My reflection has revealed that I rejected and resisted Cape Town for a long time. For months I resisted. I guess part of this might have been informed by the advice I got from family and friends before I took off for the big city. I was warned that Cape Town might change me and make me 'white'. While that advice was very valid and needed, it kept me from opening myself up to Cape Town and accepting her lessons much earlier.

For months I felt dejected and very angry about the social injustices in Cape Town. When asked how I felt about the mother city I would share that although she possessed so much physical beauty, she lacked internal beauty. I would share that in her shadows lay a very deep darkness that she only revealed to those with the eyes to see. This is still very true but I have had to approach it from another angle, this was primarily for my survival. Anger is a very negative emotion and I doubt I would have made any progress in life had I clung to it.

The anger went on for months and I even wrote about it. The revelation (of the need to let go of the anger) came after I had stumbled and realized I had been doing a lot of talking about that which didn't make me happy. I was doing a lot of talking as opposed to doing something about the wrong I wanted corrected. It is true that Cape Town is very segregated and unequal, we could TALK about this for years; we have enough material. But the truth is NOTHING will change until we take action and eradicate that which we are not happy about. Don't get me wrong, I do value honest communication and dialogue. It’s just that the dialogue has to be coupled with action. Talking alone is not enough.

I have been doing a lot of talking. I have been talking a lot about race relations at the University of the Free State and the broader South Africa. I have been talking a lot about Cape Town's racial and class divides. I have been doing a lot of talking about the disadvantaged position of Africa on the global platform. I have been talking too much about leadership bankruptcy on our continent. And, I now realize that nothing will move until I get up from this very comfortable seat and starting doing something! I need to act. Those intellectual conversations, although necessary, are not going to make anything happen. They are not going create jobs nor will they emancipate us. It is true that at present South Africa's economy is owned white hands, but that will not change until a black young person makes it his mission to build a business that will lead to an exchange in ownership. We cannot wait for the white man to say sorry, we need to act now. Maybe he will say sorry, which I doubt very much, but as we wait let's take action and bring about the change we want to see in this world. Doing something could entail volunteering at a local NGO that equips unemployed youth with digital and entrepreneurial skills. It could be organizing a book-drive in your community to improve literacy levels in a local primary school. It could even be something as ‘small’ as conducting civil-rights information sessions for your neighbours or lobbying your friends to pick up litter from the streets of your town or village. Doing something could be demanding accountability from a Parliamentarian whose performance you are not happy with. Any effort will make a difference, no matter how small.

Botswana too has her problems. Her economy is also owned by white hands, and what's worse is that these white hands are foreign. We find ourselves in a situation where none of the profits made in the country are being reinvested to grow the economy and create employment. How do we grow an economy while all the money it generates is being drained to external pockets? Where do we start in diversifying that which we don't even own? As upset as I am, I know it’s possible for me to just sit here, moan and criticize these hands that are ‘stealing’ from us. But ‘reality’ is my talking will not change anything! My talking will not in any way affect these robbers; they will keep on racking huge profits. I am told that one bank, after having made millions in profits, reserved close to 70% for its foreign owners. We need to do something. A study of Botswana’s banks will show that they are RUN by Batswana. Clearly we have the skills and the experience to run and operate banks. Why can’t we open our own?

Unless we make it our daily business to do something, we can forget about progress. The future of this continent lies in our hands. What will we say when asked of our contribution to ensure prosperity on our continent? Having a nice job and driving a Range Rover is not enough, it is far from enough. I don't want Africa to perish under my watch. We need to act.

Edited version of a piece published on Bonfiire on October 8th, 2014.

Easy Conversations

In response to the 'Embracing my Contradictions' piece I posted a few weeks ago, one of my friends, a gentleman I met here in Cape Town, posed the following:

"I like how you ended this piece: "It’s a work in progress; the contradictions are still here".  I can identify. However, once people start working they don’t have the luxury of dedicating time to their hearts’ desires. Some console themselves by stating they do what they have to do so they may do what they want to do. But I’m not sure how that plays out. Once you start working, how do you see yourself resolving this tension? Let me know? I’m in an uncertain place."

It is true that many people go into the world work hoping to one day be able to do what they are really passionate about. I was one of those people; I thought I would go into corporate, retire at 40 and start working on my own thing. I have recently met a guy who is really passionate about medicine. This gentleman has a degree in Financial Management (if memory serves me right) and he has almost secured a job with one of the biggest financial firms here in Cape Town. He says he wants to accumulate as much money as he can; buy a nice house and a really expensive car and then invest the rest of his life doing what he is really passionate about. This gentleman is set to graduate at the end of the year.

Personally, I am not willing to wait another 10 years before I start working on what I am truly passionate about. I found this brilliant piece a while ago:

“Don’t die with your music still inside of you.”

I am not willing to risk dying with my song unsung.

I have a friend; a young lawyer working for one of Botswana’s law firms. We had a similar conversation earlier this year and he shared that he is not really passionate about his job. He shared that every time he walks into a courtroom, he always thinks of how he would rather be spending the time on his farm. We didn't get into why, with this awareness, he was still holding on to his job. Thing is, it’s not easy to leave once one has committed themselves to mortgages and other types of loans. For some reason, the commitments start piling once one becomes secure in receiving a monthly income that it becomes very difficult to leave. The result is usually a complete lock-down by the system. Life then becomes a mundane routine of working just to pay the bills and maintaining a lifestyle to please the external eye. I need to mention that this is not the case for everyone; I would like to believe that there are people out there who really love their jobs.

I believe it depends on what you want and what your dreams are. The bit that has been shared on this blog is my personal experience. After a lengthy period of introspection (which is ongoing) I have realized that the world of corporate work is not for me. However, I would be willing to work for an organization whose bottom-line is not financial profits but daily impact on human lives. I would also want some flexibility so that I am able to pursue my dreams. Thing is, working for somebody else means that you are helping them realize their dreams. The fundamental question then becomes, when are you going to start work on your dreams? That’s why I would want the flexibility; so I that I too can work on my dreams. As I have also shared in the 'Following Bliss' piece, I am currently trying out at not looking for a job but CREATING A JOB. I wish to not only create work for myself but for many other young people who are without jobs. Imagine if each one of us worked towards creating value and work for ourselves, unemployment rates would decline at a rate never seen before!

I had a lengthy telephonic conversation with one of my best friends a few weeks ago. She had called to just check up on me but somehow I ended up telling her about all the crazy things I want to do. By ‘crazy things’ I mean working on my dreams and not waiting for the environment to become ‘conducive enough’ before I begin doing so. The conversation went on for more than an hour with her sharing how she feels stuck in a job she has had for two years. She described the working experience as “luke-warm”. For her work has become a very mundane routine, it is neither inspiring nor worth looking forward to. She works a 9 am – 5 pm and is not able to do the things that make her heart leap for joy! She is very passionate about writing and spending time with family and finds that even after two years the money she is getting cannot make up for the life she had wanted for herself. She has since decided to allow herself a year of introspection and research. After this year she will submit a letter of resignation. She inspires me.  

I hope these shared experiences may be of help as you search for answers relevant to your heart's very unique desires.

Following Bliss

"Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." I was first exposed to these words in 2009 when I read Rhonda Byrne's 'The Secret' for the very first time. I need to mention how special a book this text has become to me, I take it with me everywhere I travel. Even though I first read it in 2009, it was only in 2012 that I began to understand what it was communicating to me. It was also only in 2012 that these words first 'popped out' to me! I was in the third and last year of my undergraduate degree at the time. I had been studying on one evening and had taken a break to read a section of the book. The words stirred something very deep inside of me; I wanted to know what the words meant for me and the trajectory I was on. I had in the previous year admitted (to me) that the Actuarial path was not working for me so this reading was an answer of sorts.

I have never been able to fully 'get' what these words mean. I non-the-less have had to make sense of them myself and ask for guidance from these words. For me, they mean following that which makes you feel most alive and inspired. They mean doing that which makes your heart jump for joy! They relate to those activities within which you just lose yourself! Activities that you would want do even if you were not getting paid to do them. It means doing only that which your heart says yes to. For Thomas Edison it was the light bulb, the gentleman had to have a go at it 10 000 times before he succeeded. For Henry Ford, it was building cars. For Steve Jobs, it was designing a phone with pretty buttons that people would almost want to eat! How crazy and awesome is that!

I find that over the years too much focus has been on trying to find what I wanted to be (e.g. Actuary, Psychologist or Academic) as opposed to what I wanted to do. Too much time was invested in trying to find a label for it and placing it in a box as opposed to allowing the heart to take lead and guide me into areas of passion. I also realize that much of this has been informed by my upbringing. From an early age, I have had people ask me what I wanted to be! And I had to come up with answers. I had to categorize myself and place myself is a certain box of speciality. Even though this has worked for many people, I find it to have been a point of great struggle for me over the years. With self analysis and constant self conversation, I now know that I want to do only that which I am passionate about even if this means doing an activity without a label. Much of my struggle earlier this year was due to my thinking that my degree should definitely inform what I do when I finish studying. I thought the Actuarial Science and Statistics meant that I should get a job in a bank or some corporate firm and have a corner office. Honestly, these things (corporate, corner office, corporate ladder, power suit) don't keep me awake at night. They don't inspire any form of creativity in me.

In the process I have also had to let go of wanting a JOB. The 'need' for a job is something that has also been enforced by society for a long time.  I write 'need' because we don't really need it. For twenty years, society had told me to study, get good grades and find a good job. I wish somebody had advised me to build my own empire! I have been told that success lies in wearing a power suit and driving a Range Rover. Even though I still do want my Range Rover, I don't believe that this is or should be the definition of success for me. For a long time I have been taught that success lies in a swift climb up the corporate ladder and proving me to be the best in my industry. 

I have had to let go of this misleading notion and it has been a very liberating process. It is also very scary for it entails walking away from that which has informed my decisions for two decades. It feels as if the very foundations of my doing have been taken away. It’s funny how we feel so secure in looking for a JOB and working for other people! It’s even more fascinating how scared we are to work on our dreams instead and possibly employ ourselves! I sometimes feel like I'm losing it though! I mean, who doesn't want to get a job, buy a nice car, and have drinks with friends at Capello every Friday night and talk about WORK!? It’s a scary process but it is one I am willing to embrace. I'm willing to step away (even if just for three months) from what I have been taught for twenty years and try out at a different song. I want to sing MY SONG and see how the melody appeals to me.

In my search for answers I've discovered a few things. This is what I know for sure:

- I feel most alive when in the company of youngsters, listening to stories of their dreams and helping build strategies for the realization of these dreams.

- I feel most alive when giving a word of encouragement and inspiration.

- I feel most alive as I write this.

- I feel most alive when I speak on matters of Education and youth empowerment on our African continent.

- I feel most alive when in conversation about personal growth and advancement.

- I want to BUILD things.

- If I were to get a job, I would need flexibility. I want time to BE and work on MY dreams. For me, BEING entails Yoga, a lot of reading, writing and journaling towards self-actualization. This job would also have to be in an organization whose bottom-line is direct sustainable impact in people's lives.

Universe, this is my declaration!!

Embracing my Contradictions.

I think it began with one of my colleagues, then an SRC member, asking me what business I had as a second-year Actuarial Science student reading Reverend Frank Chikane’s 'Eight Days in September'. I was then a member of the Executive Committee of the International Affairs portfolio of the SRC and probably among the very few in my class who got excited about things such as the election of a new SRC President. It was a lonely place. This took place in 2012, the year I realized I was not as passionate about Actuarial Science as I wished I was. I remember one incident in my third year; Moeletsi Mbeki had been invited to campus to deliver a public lecture! The lecture began at 2 pm and I had class from 1 pm till 3 pm. I could not wait for class to end and in my excited mood shared this with my classmates. None of them could be bothered; very few knew who I was talking about and were more worried about the next assignment than about South Africa’s poverty indicators. I constantly felt like the odd one out, the weird one (as we would term it in Primary School). My role in the Executive Committee entailed Secretarial duties and I had to be present at all meetings. I really loved this part of my student life but, it also brought with it a great sense of guilt when after class my classmates would go straight to the library while I went to serve my hour duty at the SRC Building. Even though I had counted the cost, I still felt like I was betraying myself and taking my degree and its status for granted.

Another incident took place in 2013; I think this was after I had been selected to attend the G8 Youth Summit. I was walking about in the Student Center when I ran into a gentleman who has become a very dear friend. He wanted to know how an Actuarial Science student could attend such a summit. He just couldn't get it! Between his spoken lines, he wanted to know what I knew about people and all that which concerned humanity. As an Actuarial Science student I was not expected to want to know what Moeletsi Mbeki thought to be our Architects of Poverty, I was not expected to have the content or the capacity to represent African Youth on such a platform. His question pierced my heart. I brushed it off while a light giggle and a friendly reply. My mind would constantly revisit this encounter as I continued to battle with my contradictions. It felt bearable not to be understood by my classmates, but it was very difficult to be rejected by those with whom I shared a passion or common cause.

Another incident occurred on an afternoon at the The Institute for Reconciliation and Social Justice. I can't remember what the topic of the critical conversation was for this encounter completely threw me off. It was a beautiful sunny day in Bloemfontein and I was wearing one of favorite maxi dresses. I had just got the tattoo on my back and this dress exposed was proudly sat on my back; Africa. I had a bounce in my feet!! I had also just completed my Actuarial Science degree and along with that had decided not to follow the Actuarial path; the bounce in my feet had so much to do with this decision! I felt liberated. In this good mood I made my way to the Institute (as we called it) and proceeded to greet everyone and find a seat. In my greetings I came up to one gentleman who was at the time studying for a degree in Law. Once we had exchanged our greetings, he wanted to know what I was doing at the Institute. He continued to share how he thought I should be crunching numbers somewhere or getting up to some nerdy habits. This just fueled the flames of the contradictions inside of me. I was at the time really confused about what I wanted to do with my life and his questions made it worse. I don't remember what transpired over the next two hours as I got completely consumed by these contradictions.

Fast forward to September 2014. I am now living in Cape Town and studying for a Masters in Mathematical Statistics. I live with numbers, LOL! A little over two months ago I got involved with an amazing organization, RLabs. This past Monday, as we sat and facilitated a Leadership session of the GROW Leadership Academy, one of my colleagues asked me a very interesting question. He looked at me and asked: "What are you doing here?" I burst into laughter!! He made an attempt to rephrase the question but he couldn't. I totally understood where he was coming from. He wanted to know what business a lady studying for a Masters in Mathematical Statistics had sitting on the floor with a bunch of youth people working towards re-discovering themselves and realizing their dreams. He wanted to know what business I had in the business of making HOPE contagious. My response was simple. My brain does numbers but my heart really, really, really loves people.

These are just a few of my many contradictions; some have been shared on this blog. My journey got more exciting once I began to let go and stopped trying to control how things turn out. The real MAGIC began when I let go of all definitions and defined paths. Its a work in progress; the contradictions are still here, the liberation comes with allowing them to BE and coexist within. 

I don't want to work a day in my life

A few weeks ago I met a young man, Craig Jephta. Craig started at RLabs as a student of the GROW Leadership Academy and two years later he is now a permanent member of staff. We met while I was visiting the Rocklands Youth Cafe (Cape Town) to facilitate a Digital session. Digital is one of the three components of GROW, the other two being Leadership and Entrepreneurship. Craig is such an amazing young man with so much positive energy to share with the world. He shared about the tremendous LOVE that he has for his JOB. This young man says he has not worked a day since he started at RLabs! He is among the very few that look forward to Mondays. I was deeply inspired. I want such joy and fulfillment in my work and life.

I feel so blessed to be able to interact with people such as Craig. He also shared about his earlier intentions to pursue a career in Political Science. The goal was to effect sustainable developments in people’s lives and he believed he could do this as a civil servant through an active role in policy making. While education is necessary, Craig asserts there are so many ways of making a visible difference in people’s lives and he does this daily at the Youth Cafe. His job is what gets him out of bed every morning. How many people can say this about their jobs? How many get to make such great impact through their jobs everyday? Universe, I hope you're listening! 

Surely some revelation is at hand

I 'met' William Butler Yeats for the first time in a Literature in English class at Gaborone Senior Secondary School. The year was 2006. Poetry and I had known each other before then but it was only on this year that we would fall in love. I remember an exam question that asked that we select a poem to recite and explain in detail, 'The Second Coming' was my poem of choice and it gained me most of my marks. In hindsight, I doubt my young mind really understood what the poem was really about. 

When I read it again two weeks ago, the world was not in a good space. I was not in a good space. I was in deep thought about Gaza, about Africa and what had happened to the 200 Nigerian girls. I was in deep thought about the future of Africa and whether we will ever find a way out of colonialism. Mr Gomolemo Motswaledi had just passed away in a car accident and I was deeply concerned about the future of Botswana. I felt as if all was falling apart and this poem was just a perfect description of that.

Two years ago, I had the opportunity of listening to President Thabo Mbeki give an address at the University of Western Cape. He opened his address with this poem, it was then that I began making sense of it. I believe that was the first time I got to fully appreciate this poem, especially in the African context.

    The Second Coming

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    Surely some revelation is at hand;
    Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.

    The darkness drops again but now I know
    That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
    And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

I do not know YET

I find myself in a space where I am asking (myself) a lot of questions but not getting any answers. It is such an uncomfortable, but necessary, process to go through. On the broader spectrum (of life), I am referring to a variety of reading material and consulting with a number of Teachers, something that can in itself result in confusion. One of these profound Teachers has advised that I enjoy the questions, another has advised that I not mind the friction for that's the only mode of polishing matter. I believe the Universe to be so divine that once a question is asked, an answer definitely follows. I believe the answers will come. Here are my most dominant questions.

On Reconciliation.

Last week I attended a round-table discussion at the Institute for Justice and Reconciliation (IJR) where the topic of discussion was "Is it time to forgive?" Given its complexity, many of the comments and questions deviated from the topic. I believe it to be complex as it is a multi-layered question, its components being more complex questions. This was (and is) my question: "what is reconciliation?" Given that the name of the institute is IJR and that we were speaking on a matter that directly feeds into the 'reconciliation' process, I really want to understand what this term means. Exactly what are we, as a South African society, trying to reconcile? I believe reconciliation to be a process of bringing together that which once was one? If at all our mandate is to bring together the blacks and whites of our community, should we then not consider whether they were one to begin with. A study of history will show that our people were never one. Black people have been the object of oppression from the very moment Jan Van Riebeeck arrived in the Cape in 1652. Is 'reconciliation' then the right term to use? Has the IJR been correctly named? Has the Institute at the University of the Free State been correctly named? A term offered at a 'reconciliation' workshop I recently attended was 'nation building'. The guest speaker offered that since we have never been one, then maybe we should busy ourselves with the business of building a nation from scratch. Were we to decide on this route, where would we start? In a country with a very diverse population of approximately 51 million with 11 official languages, where do we begin and how do we go about it? Who do we consult about this process? Do we have able leadership to facilitate such a process? Are we even ready for such a process?

On youth education and employment

I choose to call it 'youth employment' so as to affirm that which I want to see in our communities. For a long time, I have advocated for quality education as a tool for poverty alleviation. For me, education is not a mere attainment of a degree, it is rather a process of learning that leads to the attainment of a degree and an ability to actively engage in a democratic society. I believe education to be the one tool that can break the many chains of (different forms) of poverty in our communities, both black and coloured. I now find myself faced with another question, the first having been "how do we empower our youth and communities?" I'm in a space where I know and see that education alone is not enough, it is necessary but not enough. Once educated, what will happen to our youth? Do they then go about looking for jobs? What if they cannot find jobs? Why should they look for jobs? Is it the only thing that they can do? Has the education system equipped them with the skills to do more than looking for a job? Having emphasised the need for education so much, what will be the next step? What opportunities or initiatives are we going to create to ensure that our youth can engage in meaningful activity? In the case of Botswana, what happens when the two years of internship (that follow after university) come to an end? What then happens to the millions of youth than now sit in departments which in most cases are not relevant to what they studied for? What is it going to take for us to start thinking beyond 'job hunting'? Isn't there more?

London, Anger and the G8 Youth Summit

Just little over a year ago, I had the great opportunity of attending the G8 Youth Summit in United Kingdom. It was such an exciting time for me given what I wanted (and still want) to do with my life. I felt (and still believe) that the experience came just at the right time. The opportunity provided just the right conversations and just the right ‘friction’ to aid my growth. But before we go there, I need to tell you about the anger that I felt upon my return. I sometimes laugh at myself though! I mean, who goes to LONDON only to come back filled with emotions of rage!?

                                            

The trip to London was a smooth one, 14 hours of air travel if I remember correctly. I arrived just a little late for registration but was able to connect with the African Union and South African teams. The following few days would be filled with debates and negotiations about what we felt what the ideal way forward for the world. I found myself in the company of close to a hundred youth who had been sponsored because of their passion to make a difference, or so I thought.

This is what made me angry:

1. The whole thing; the debates, the negotiations, it felt like a simulation. In the previous article, I mention how I thought the summit would be of little consequence; this was in relation to this. Thing is I'd gone to that summit thinking I was going to take part in debates that would definitely impact change in the lives of many. After day one, I felt so discouraged. I felt we were only doing it for the sake of doing it, so we may have it on our CV's and so the world community may mark it done. I felt like we were working towards a document that the 'elders' would not even make time to read. Yes, we got to network and we learned a lot from each other, but I did not believe we would meet what I thought to be the real objectives of the summit; create a path for positive, sustainable change.

The Summit's Sherpas

2. The majority of the discussions were about Africa and it made me sad that these had to be discussed on foreign land with the majority of negotiators being non-African. It made me so angry to have people who had probably only heard about Africa on CNN or BBC attempt to map a way forward for Africa!! And this was only a ‘simulation’. I can only imagine what goes on in the 'real' G8 summits. I'm now reminded of the meeting that took place in FRANCE to discuss the fate of the 200 Nigerian girls earlier this year!! It makes me sad and very angry that Africa doesn't have much of a say in the running of her affairs.

3. I think it was on the first day when I learned that some countries, European countries, had paid their youth to take part in the summit. It had to be youth with experience in diplomacy, international relations and so forth. That's why the summit felt of little relevance and impact. It felt like a show, just something to tick off. I mean, were we not supposed to select youth based on merit and passion for global development? Were we not supposed to select youth that would critically engage to come up with recommendations for their governments? My expectations had been that that building in Greenwich University would be filled with youth ready to stand up to their governments on matters of national and global interest. Instead we had youth who feared to make policy recommendations not matching those of their governments. My expectation had been of a discussion on ways of holding our governments accountable and demanding able leadership and responsibility.

A picture with Big Ben

Getting back to Africa after a week in London was difficult. I now had to face friends and acquaintances who wanted to know about the London experience. It was difficult because people didn't really want to know how it was, they didn't want to know the truth. Most people only wanted to hear about all the touristy activities and whether I'd met Big Ben. I couldn't tell them all that I have written above. I felt a little depressed after London. One of my friends actually told me that my happy had diminished. I wish I had trusted him enough to tell him all was not well inside of me. I get the same question about Cape Town. I've struggled to settle here, but I'm able to tell the truth, even though not always.

I feel better now, about London. Writing forces me to engage in critical self-conversations, writing makes it better.

Afrique Affair

About a year ago, while applying for a scholarship, I was asked to write about “LEADERSHIP: A personal experience or an aspiration” where I had to describe a specific activity or organization, mine or another’s, in which I had been directly involved as an activist or leader. In 400 words, I had to outline the challenges I had faced, how I had resolved them and what I learnt about myself in the process. I was still a member of the SRC (Student Representative Council) of the University of the Free State (UFS) at the time so the SRC experience seemed most appropriate and relevant to write about. I struggled though, for about a week I could not put my ideas together, the essay required honesty but, most of the information I had to be honest about was still ‘classified’. The major challenge for me was that I could not share everything while still in SRC office and while still at the UFS. I also realized that I had not yet reconciled with the experience and with myself to be able to write about it. So on the very last day, six hours before the deadline, I decided to change my topic and by midnight I submitted the article below. 

After a rigorous selection process I was chosen to represent Africa at the G8 Youth Summit of June 2013 in London. My role in the African Union delegation was that of a Sherpa, to act as a go-between the Head of Government and the five Ministerial portfolios; and between our delegation and other delegations.

A Sherpa has no agenda points, this meant that only my colleagues would write and submit position papers. During the summit, I would realize that I too wanted to take part in the negotiations, I felt left out of the conversations of global change. I would also observe as delegations kept to their respective clusters and how many would give their governments’ existing initiatives as their positions. The summit was a platform for the youth to share their intentions for the world and hold governments accountable. I felt this goal was not being met. I would also observe that many delegates had very limited knowledge about Africa. This was a huge challenge as many delegations found it difficult to comprehend our positions on various topics such as the political climate in African states.  I harboured sentiments of the summit being of little relevance as no government was required to read our communiqué. I felt defeated, that my contribution would not have an impact in the global discourse.

Two days into the summit, I would realize the importance and need for the Sherpa role. I directly supported the Head of Government and my Ministers, and this was not to be taken for granted. We, the AU delegation, then approached other delegations and shared in detail on who Africa is. Delegations such as Japan understood Africa and supported us. A colleague and I approached Italy, China and other delegations and encouraged them to share their own views of the world as opposed to those of their governments. Upon my return, I would realize how limited my knowledge of Africa was. This has inspired me to research, read more and to ask more questions.

The experience has made me appreciate the power that I have as an agent of change. It has shown me that I can inspire and impact change, that I do have it in me to live out my principle of leading by service. I have since resolved to invest myself in Africa and fight the brain-drain that has had a negative impact on Africa’s development.

I could only write so much in the space that I had been awarded. I want to write more about this experience, so as to reconcile with it (having initially wanted to run away) and to also aid reconciliation with myself. Africa’s relationship with the rest of the world has not been an easy one, that very fact results in my having a complex relationship with the rest of the world, a relationship I am yet to understand and define. I find myself asking a lot of questions about these two relationships and I hope that through writing I will find my answers.

“Life is too short to be wasted in finding answers. Enjoy the questions!” – Paulo Coelho

Brain Drain: Do I stay or go back?

Brain drain (in the African context) is a matter very close to my heart. When used, it is often in that context, of Africa losing skills and expertise to other continents. In this blog post, I wish to focus on the loss incurred by African states to other African states. This form of brain-drain has rarely been the subject of discussion as I converse with friends and family. A few days ago, I had one of these conversations with a very close friend. The conversation had been sparked by an article on the South African critical skills list that has been released to the public following the amendment of the state’s immigration act. It seems the government will be making it more difficult for non-nationals to find employment in South Africa, and I believe this would be expected for any government that wants higher employment rates for its citizens.

The article got me questioning what my position was on the loss of skills and expertise by African states to one another. Specifically, it got me questioning what my stance was regarding the loss that Botswana is facing as thousands of its sponsored graduates fail to come back home. Most importantly I asked whether my future plans would exacerbate or curb this disturbing phenomenon. Like any Motswana studying away from home I find myself having to make a choice of whether I will be staying in my adopted country or going back home. For me, the initial plan had been to get my first degree and go back home. But I am still in South Africa, two years after the attainment of that degree, with hopes of working for some of her leading organizations.

The plan, as stated, seems like a very solid one. Many of my friends and family have suggested that I stay here, for better pay and greater opportunities. But, I find myself painfully torn between serving my home country and attaining some of these personal aspirations. As plans changed over the years I decided that I would work here for a few years and eventually go back home. I thought (and still think) that it makes little sense for me to go back home without any experience from some of Africa’s biggest organizations. It would possibly serve my country better were I to first learn from these organizations and impart the knowledge and skills attained upon returning home. Such a plan seems more sensible for it ensures service to my country and the realization of my personal aspirations (whatever these maybe). But, exactly how does one measure ‘a few years’. It does sound fair for one to propose such but before I know it I might just find myself driving kids to school, with a growing family and investments, and without an option of going back home.

I always try to bear in mind that this is a Choice-point that not only I will reach. Thousands of other Batswana students studying abroad will also reach this point and, sadly, many of us are choosing not to go back. These are the very graduates that the economy so desperately needs for growth and job creation for a reduction in youth unemployment. These are minds that organizations need for turnaround strategies. These are hearts needed for initiatives and innovations required for development. Yes, South Africa and the rest of the world are doing great, but how will Botswana get to that stage if I am not willing to create the platform for ‘great’? Who is going to create the opportunities that have got me wanting to stay in South Africa if I am not willing to go back? And, who better to create these opportunities if not the person who has been exposed to them?

I feel like I should want to stay. I feel like I should want to stay just for a little while. But, would I be willing to go back after this little while of possibly starting a family and building a successful career with an income bigger than anything I could be offered at home? And, what would this decision mean for the development of my home country?

Polling station exchanges

Election Day has come and gone, and all will be going back to ‘normal’ soon. All will be going back to citizens hoping and waiting for things to get better while politicians continue with their internal party battles and court cases.

Election Day was just another day of work in my world. Having been declared a national holiday, it only presented an opportunity for me to continue work on my programming assignment without worrying about class. I was still in bed when she got back home; having had been too lazy to get up to work on the assignment. A few minutes later, I was sitting on one of the bean-bags in her room, glad in pyjama pants and a t-shirt, eager to hear all about her experience. My housemate, Robin*, had just cast her very first vote as a South African citizen. She and South Africa’s ‘born free’ generation (who I believe are yet to be born) had just cast a vote for the very first time. That morning, she had left the house unsure of her vote only to have her vote decided by the polling station.

Robin, a third year Fine Art student, is a very well informed young person. Prior to the elections, she had done extensive research on the different parties with a presence in the Western Cape and she had eventually decided to focus her research on the ANC (African National Congress), DA (Democratic Alliance) and AGANG SA. We usually convene in the kitchen to discuss such matters, so on one evening we convened by the kitchen sink and she shared the findings of her research. Varsity, the campus newspaper at UCT (University of Cape Town) had also done a feature on the national elections and she had in hand the pages on which the party manifestos had been printed. Even with all this research she had still been unsure of which party to vote for. As a side thought, I wondered how many of us were (and are) willing to do research on our political parties and leaders so we can make informed decisions.

At this juncture, I must share that I find it rather ‘unsettling’ to have to vote for a party, as is the case in South Africa, instead of voting for an individual, as is the case in Botswana. I believe in being given an opportunity to vote for a competent individual to be my voice in government. Having been awarded this opportunity as Batswana, I find it sad that we continue to vote for parties. Anyway, upon arrival at the polling station Robin presented her Identity document to a member of staff of the IEC (Independent Electoral Commission). This member of staff was a Xhosa speaking lady and she made an error in assuming that Robin was also Xhosa. This is an assumption that had taken deep root here in the Western Cape. Upon presenting her Afrikaans surname and pronouncing her inability to speak Xhosa, Robin was given a sneer for a response and a minor gossip later ensued about just how coloured she was. We could each infer differently about Robin’s case, but she felt discriminated against by a fellow black person for not being 'black enough'. With this, her national vote had been decided. She decided not to vote for the ANC because she believes that after 20 years of democracy we should have bridged the gap between the black and coloured people of South Africa. She believes we are one people. It disturbs her how when speaking of poor people we only mention black people; forgetting about the millions of coloureds who struggle to make ends meet. She cited examples within her home town, Kimberly, where preference is given to black people by the ANC, with better investments being made in black settlements. Her vote was for the DA.

While in the queue to casting her vote, from behind her, a male voice expressed its gladness in having her present at that polling station and how things had really changes now that apartheid was over. It was only at that moment that Robin realised she was the only black person standing in the queue. The other black people present at the polling that morning were the security guards and the IEC staff members. She then expressed her understanding of why she was the only black person on the queue. Gardens, the area we live in, is a very white area, being close to Table Mountain and all. One finds that the closer they get to the mountain the more white the community becomes. It dawned on her that “Capetonian ‘liberals’ are racist and classist”. With that, her provincial vote had been decided. Here vote went to AGANG SA because she wants some change in the Western Cape, a change that will enable all to benefit. This reminded me of an article I had read a week earlier in the The Guardian (UK) about the pronounced social injustices of Cape Town.

I don’t know if I would have voted had I been South African. Had I voted though, it would have been for the DA at national level. I would have voted for the DA because I believe in the potential of the ANC as a party for the people. My vote would have been to serve as a wake-up call for the ANC and to have our party leaders up their game in serving the needs of the people. The ANC has gotten really comfortable in power, even the party leader believes they are invincible with statements such as “ANC will rule till Jesus comes”. It would have been to serve as a reminder to the ANC that they are not our only option, we believe in the ANC but we also have the power to make a different choice should our needs not be catered for. My provincial vote is undecided but I suspect I would have voted either for AGANG SA or for the DA. 

* Not her real name.

The Citizen and Freedom

Exactly a week ago I sat with other African youth in a panel discussion of the Nelson Mandela Children's Fund to debunk “the myth that freedom is free”. This took place a day after Freedom Day, April 27^th; an annual celebration of South Africa's first non-racial democratic elections of 1994.

2014 is election year for both South Africa and Botswana; my thoughts were therefore more inclined towards elections and specifically to the role of the citizen during this election period. I believe it is vital that each one of us exercises their right to vote, but voting alone does not count much if it is not followed by effective active citizenry. Voting alone is not enough if after elections citizens do not take initiative to find out where the offices of their representatives are located and continuously communicate their needs and take necessary action to ensure they are met. It is not enough if we do not demand accountability and consultation from the individuals voted to represent us in government.

Many of us have chosen to be subjects in democratic states instead of accepting the responsibilities that come with such a freedom. When will we take initiative to understand the systems of our democratic society? When will we find it necessary to go through our national constitution and actually understand what our rights are? We are making it very impossible to be effectively governed. Ignorance has ceased to be bliss, especially when our democracy and freedom are being threatened by leadership that has lost its moral compass. How many have visited the national assembly, just to see what it looks like? How many have actually sat in a parliamentary/provincial/council session to investigate whether we are truly being represented? We need to be armed with the relevant knowledge and information so that we are in a better position to defend this freedom.

For many it is easier to sit around braai areas or at bars and complain about how things are not going right or about how government officials are squandering tax payers’ money. Before complaining, with the expectation that “they” will come to fix our problems, we need to first consider whether we have actively participated in our democracy. We have remained silent for too long about matters that matter. “They” are “us”. For the educated and those with access to information, your responsibility becomes sharing this knowledge with the uneducated and uninformed. We also need to realize the power that we have in our numbers and leverage on this. Calling a radio station daily to complain will not yield any results, except for being a favorite in the show, but a petition signed by 500 people might yield something.

I found the following while preparing for the panel discussion.

"There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. But Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done."

Freedom is not free. Men and women have lost their lives to ensure we have this freedom. Families have been divided and nations wounded. The onus is now on us to protect this freedom. As we go to the polls soon, let us remember that our role as citizens extends beyond the ballot box. We need to build our power beyond Election Day.