On being Passionate in the NOW

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months, and even more over the past few weeks, about what I want my future to look like. I have had numerous conversations with friends and even with strangers about the notion of a J.O.B. and what it means to live in a capitalist society. It seems as if our existence is driven by the desire to consume. We get jobs so that we can pay bills, buy clothes and cars and go chill with our friends at the mall. It is weird really.

Anyway, in one of my conversations with self, I realized that I am afraid to follow my dreams. I thought I was going ALL the way with following my heart's desires, but I have since discovered that this is not necessarily the case. I have just finished reading Paulo Coelho's 'Adultery' and he put it so well for me. Following your dreams is flipping scary because you don't know what's going to happen in the next moment. For me, it means going against everything I have been taught since I was a little girl and just following my gut. Joseph Campbell termed it: "Follow your Bliss". Thing with following your gut is that it does not tell you where you are going to be in ten years; that old thing called security that we love so much. It only shows you what you want to be doing NOW, it only shows you what feels right for you NOW and its flipping unsettling not to have it tell you with certainty where you are going to be at the end of next year. 

A few months ago I decided to let go of the idea of a job, I mean I have nothing to lose since I am still at school. I wanted to just sit with myself and find out what I would want to do with my life if I didn't have to get a job and if money was not an object. Magic happened. I have had to be honest with myself and it has been quite uncomfortable but very rewarding. I have also had to shut out the voices of society and think only about me. These are some of the things I have had to shut out: "Tumelo, after finishing that degree just go get a really good job. You have been provided with the best education possible and it would be such a shame should you not do well for yourself (monetarily). Upon returning to Botswana, it would be really nice for you to buy a new car and show that the seven years of studying were worthwhile. With that Actuarial degree, how about you find a well paying job at Fair Grounds and interact with other ambitious young people who want to make tons of money and show off their material worth. Also, a nice house in an affluent neighborhood would not be such a bad thing."

We call her/him Society and I am not sure this is entirely true. I find that most of us go through our lives thinking that Society wants us to do this and that, we want to do the safe and acceptable thing. But is it not us who come up with these standards? I fear that most of us are not doing what we really want to be doing, what our hearts call us to do, out of fear of what our community and peers would think and what we would think of each other. Its crazy. One of friends recently quit her job after a near-death experience. She has realized that, given that she could die any minute, she cannot waste her life doing something she is not truly passionate about. As expected, the judgments are too many to count. She is not scared at all but people around her are terrified for her. Many want to know how she will pay for her car and how she will survive. Again, it seems like security is valued more than dancing to the music in our hearts.

I believe that we all want the same thing, we want to follow our hearts. The societal expectations that we so often speak about are only the expectations we have set for ourselves. I believe tons of magic would happen if we were each to just listen closely to our hearts and dance passionately to that music.

"I haven't the slightest interest in being happy. I prefer to live life passionately, which is dangerous because you never know what might happen next." - Adultery, Paulo Coelho

Following Bliss

"Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." I was first exposed to these words in 2009 when I read Rhonda Byrne's 'The Secret' for the very first time. I need to mention how special a book this text has become to me, I take it with me everywhere I travel. Even though I first read it in 2009, it was only in 2012 that I began to understand what it was communicating to me. It was also only in 2012 that these words first 'popped out' to me! I was in the third and last year of my undergraduate degree at the time. I had been studying on one evening and had taken a break to read a section of the book. The words stirred something very deep inside of me; I wanted to know what the words meant for me and the trajectory I was on. I had in the previous year admitted (to me) that the Actuarial path was not working for me so this reading was an answer of sorts.

I have never been able to fully 'get' what these words mean. I non-the-less have had to make sense of them myself and ask for guidance from these words. For me, they mean following that which makes you feel most alive and inspired. They mean doing that which makes your heart jump for joy! They relate to those activities within which you just lose yourself! Activities that you would want do even if you were not getting paid to do them. It means doing only that which your heart says yes to. For Thomas Edison it was the light bulb, the gentleman had to have a go at it 10 000 times before he succeeded. For Henry Ford, it was building cars. For Steve Jobs, it was designing a phone with pretty buttons that people would almost want to eat! How crazy and awesome is that!

I find that over the years too much focus has been on trying to find what I wanted to be (e.g. Actuary, Psychologist or Academic) as opposed to what I wanted to do. Too much time was invested in trying to find a label for it and placing it in a box as opposed to allowing the heart to take lead and guide me into areas of passion. I also realize that much of this has been informed by my upbringing. From an early age, I have had people ask me what I wanted to be! And I had to come up with answers. I had to categorize myself and place myself is a certain box of speciality. Even though this has worked for many people, I find it to have been a point of great struggle for me over the years. With self analysis and constant self conversation, I now know that I want to do only that which I am passionate about even if this means doing an activity without a label. Much of my struggle earlier this year was due to my thinking that my degree should definitely inform what I do when I finish studying. I thought the Actuarial Science and Statistics meant that I should get a job in a bank or some corporate firm and have a corner office. Honestly, these things (corporate, corner office, corporate ladder, power suit) don't keep me awake at night. They don't inspire any form of creativity in me.

In the process I have also had to let go of wanting a JOB. The 'need' for a job is something that has also been enforced by society for a long time.  I write 'need' because we don't really need it. For twenty years, society had told me to study, get good grades and find a good job. I wish somebody had advised me to build my own empire! I have been told that success lies in wearing a power suit and driving a Range Rover. Even though I still do want my Range Rover, I don't believe that this is or should be the definition of success for me. For a long time I have been taught that success lies in a swift climb up the corporate ladder and proving me to be the best in my industry. 

I have had to let go of this misleading notion and it has been a very liberating process. It is also very scary for it entails walking away from that which has informed my decisions for two decades. It feels as if the very foundations of my doing have been taken away. It’s funny how we feel so secure in looking for a JOB and working for other people! It’s even more fascinating how scared we are to work on our dreams instead and possibly employ ourselves! I sometimes feel like I'm losing it though! I mean, who doesn't want to get a job, buy a nice car, and have drinks with friends at Capello every Friday night and talk about WORK!? It’s a scary process but it is one I am willing to embrace. I'm willing to step away (even if just for three months) from what I have been taught for twenty years and try out at a different song. I want to sing MY SONG and see how the melody appeals to me.

In my search for answers I've discovered a few things. This is what I know for sure:

- I feel most alive when in the company of youngsters, listening to stories of their dreams and helping build strategies for the realization of these dreams.

- I feel most alive when giving a word of encouragement and inspiration.

- I feel most alive as I write this.

- I feel most alive when I speak on matters of Education and youth empowerment on our African continent.

- I feel most alive when in conversation about personal growth and advancement.

- I want to BUILD things.

- If I were to get a job, I would need flexibility. I want time to BE and work on MY dreams. For me, BEING entails Yoga, a lot of reading, writing and journaling towards self-actualization. This job would also have to be in an organization whose bottom-line is direct sustainable impact in people's lives.

Universe, this is my declaration!!

I don't want to work a day in my life

A few weeks ago I met a young man, Craig Jephta. Craig started at RLabs as a student of the GROW Leadership Academy and two years later he is now a permanent member of staff. We met while I was visiting the Rocklands Youth Cafe (Cape Town) to facilitate a Digital session. Digital is one of the three components of GROW, the other two being Leadership and Entrepreneurship. Craig is such an amazing young man with so much positive energy to share with the world. He shared about the tremendous LOVE that he has for his JOB. This young man says he has not worked a day since he started at RLabs! He is among the very few that look forward to Mondays. I was deeply inspired. I want such joy and fulfillment in my work and life.

I feel so blessed to be able to interact with people such as Craig. He also shared about his earlier intentions to pursue a career in Political Science. The goal was to effect sustainable developments in people’s lives and he believed he could do this as a civil servant through an active role in policy making. While education is necessary, Craig asserts there are so many ways of making a visible difference in people’s lives and he does this daily at the Youth Cafe. His job is what gets him out of bed every morning. How many people can say this about their jobs? How many get to make such great impact through their jobs everyday? Universe, I hope you're listening!