Easy Conversations

In response to the 'Embracing my Contradictions' piece I posted a few weeks ago, one of my friends, a gentleman I met here in Cape Town, posed the following:

"I like how you ended this piece: "It’s a work in progress; the contradictions are still here".  I can identify. However, once people start working they don’t have the luxury of dedicating time to their hearts’ desires. Some console themselves by stating they do what they have to do so they may do what they want to do. But I’m not sure how that plays out. Once you start working, how do you see yourself resolving this tension? Let me know? I’m in an uncertain place."

It is true that many people go into the world work hoping to one day be able to do what they are really passionate about. I was one of those people; I thought I would go into corporate, retire at 40 and start working on my own thing. I have recently met a guy who is really passionate about medicine. This gentleman has a degree in Financial Management (if memory serves me right) and he has almost secured a job with one of the biggest financial firms here in Cape Town. He says he wants to accumulate as much money as he can; buy a nice house and a really expensive car and then invest the rest of his life doing what he is really passionate about. This gentleman is set to graduate at the end of the year.

Personally, I am not willing to wait another 10 years before I start working on what I am truly passionate about. I found this brilliant piece a while ago:

“Don’t die with your music still inside of you.”

I am not willing to risk dying with my song unsung.

I have a friend; a young lawyer working for one of Botswana’s law firms. We had a similar conversation earlier this year and he shared that he is not really passionate about his job. He shared that every time he walks into a courtroom, he always thinks of how he would rather be spending the time on his farm. We didn't get into why, with this awareness, he was still holding on to his job. Thing is, it’s not easy to leave once one has committed themselves to mortgages and other types of loans. For some reason, the commitments start piling once one becomes secure in receiving a monthly income that it becomes very difficult to leave. The result is usually a complete lock-down by the system. Life then becomes a mundane routine of working just to pay the bills and maintaining a lifestyle to please the external eye. I need to mention that this is not the case for everyone; I would like to believe that there are people out there who really love their jobs.

I believe it depends on what you want and what your dreams are. The bit that has been shared on this blog is my personal experience. After a lengthy period of introspection (which is ongoing) I have realized that the world of corporate work is not for me. However, I would be willing to work for an organization whose bottom-line is not financial profits but daily impact on human lives. I would also want some flexibility so that I am able to pursue my dreams. Thing is, working for somebody else means that you are helping them realize their dreams. The fundamental question then becomes, when are you going to start work on your dreams? That’s why I would want the flexibility; so I that I too can work on my dreams. As I have also shared in the 'Following Bliss' piece, I am currently trying out at not looking for a job but CREATING A JOB. I wish to not only create work for myself but for many other young people who are without jobs. Imagine if each one of us worked towards creating value and work for ourselves, unemployment rates would decline at a rate never seen before!

I had a lengthy telephonic conversation with one of my best friends a few weeks ago. She had called to just check up on me but somehow I ended up telling her about all the crazy things I want to do. By ‘crazy things’ I mean working on my dreams and not waiting for the environment to become ‘conducive enough’ before I begin doing so. The conversation went on for more than an hour with her sharing how she feels stuck in a job she has had for two years. She described the working experience as “luke-warm”. For her work has become a very mundane routine, it is neither inspiring nor worth looking forward to. She works a 9 am – 5 pm and is not able to do the things that make her heart leap for joy! She is very passionate about writing and spending time with family and finds that even after two years the money she is getting cannot make up for the life she had wanted for herself. She has since decided to allow herself a year of introspection and research. After this year she will submit a letter of resignation. She inspires me.  

I hope these shared experiences may be of help as you search for answers relevant to your heart's very unique desires.

Following Bliss

"Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." I was first exposed to these words in 2009 when I read Rhonda Byrne's 'The Secret' for the very first time. I need to mention how special a book this text has become to me, I take it with me everywhere I travel. Even though I first read it in 2009, it was only in 2012 that I began to understand what it was communicating to me. It was also only in 2012 that these words first 'popped out' to me! I was in the third and last year of my undergraduate degree at the time. I had been studying on one evening and had taken a break to read a section of the book. The words stirred something very deep inside of me; I wanted to know what the words meant for me and the trajectory I was on. I had in the previous year admitted (to me) that the Actuarial path was not working for me so this reading was an answer of sorts.

I have never been able to fully 'get' what these words mean. I non-the-less have had to make sense of them myself and ask for guidance from these words. For me, they mean following that which makes you feel most alive and inspired. They mean doing that which makes your heart jump for joy! They relate to those activities within which you just lose yourself! Activities that you would want do even if you were not getting paid to do them. It means doing only that which your heart says yes to. For Thomas Edison it was the light bulb, the gentleman had to have a go at it 10 000 times before he succeeded. For Henry Ford, it was building cars. For Steve Jobs, it was designing a phone with pretty buttons that people would almost want to eat! How crazy and awesome is that!

I find that over the years too much focus has been on trying to find what I wanted to be (e.g. Actuary, Psychologist or Academic) as opposed to what I wanted to do. Too much time was invested in trying to find a label for it and placing it in a box as opposed to allowing the heart to take lead and guide me into areas of passion. I also realize that much of this has been informed by my upbringing. From an early age, I have had people ask me what I wanted to be! And I had to come up with answers. I had to categorize myself and place myself is a certain box of speciality. Even though this has worked for many people, I find it to have been a point of great struggle for me over the years. With self analysis and constant self conversation, I now know that I want to do only that which I am passionate about even if this means doing an activity without a label. Much of my struggle earlier this year was due to my thinking that my degree should definitely inform what I do when I finish studying. I thought the Actuarial Science and Statistics meant that I should get a job in a bank or some corporate firm and have a corner office. Honestly, these things (corporate, corner office, corporate ladder, power suit) don't keep me awake at night. They don't inspire any form of creativity in me.

In the process I have also had to let go of wanting a JOB. The 'need' for a job is something that has also been enforced by society for a long time.  I write 'need' because we don't really need it. For twenty years, society had told me to study, get good grades and find a good job. I wish somebody had advised me to build my own empire! I have been told that success lies in wearing a power suit and driving a Range Rover. Even though I still do want my Range Rover, I don't believe that this is or should be the definition of success for me. For a long time I have been taught that success lies in a swift climb up the corporate ladder and proving me to be the best in my industry. 

I have had to let go of this misleading notion and it has been a very liberating process. It is also very scary for it entails walking away from that which has informed my decisions for two decades. It feels as if the very foundations of my doing have been taken away. It’s funny how we feel so secure in looking for a JOB and working for other people! It’s even more fascinating how scared we are to work on our dreams instead and possibly employ ourselves! I sometimes feel like I'm losing it though! I mean, who doesn't want to get a job, buy a nice car, and have drinks with friends at Capello every Friday night and talk about WORK!? It’s a scary process but it is one I am willing to embrace. I'm willing to step away (even if just for three months) from what I have been taught for twenty years and try out at a different song. I want to sing MY SONG and see how the melody appeals to me.

In my search for answers I've discovered a few things. This is what I know for sure:

- I feel most alive when in the company of youngsters, listening to stories of their dreams and helping build strategies for the realization of these dreams.

- I feel most alive when giving a word of encouragement and inspiration.

- I feel most alive as I write this.

- I feel most alive when I speak on matters of Education and youth empowerment on our African continent.

- I feel most alive when in conversation about personal growth and advancement.

- I want to BUILD things.

- If I were to get a job, I would need flexibility. I want time to BE and work on MY dreams. For me, BEING entails Yoga, a lot of reading, writing and journaling towards self-actualization. This job would also have to be in an organization whose bottom-line is direct sustainable impact in people's lives.

Universe, this is my declaration!!

I do not know YET

I find myself in a space where I am asking (myself) a lot of questions but not getting any answers. It is such an uncomfortable, but necessary, process to go through. On the broader spectrum (of life), I am referring to a variety of reading material and consulting with a number of Teachers, something that can in itself result in confusion. One of these profound Teachers has advised that I enjoy the questions, another has advised that I not mind the friction for that's the only mode of polishing matter. I believe the Universe to be so divine that once a question is asked, an answer definitely follows. I believe the answers will come. Here are my most dominant questions.

On Reconciliation.

Last week I attended a round-table discussion at the Institute for Justice and Reconciliation (IJR) where the topic of discussion was "Is it time to forgive?" Given its complexity, many of the comments and questions deviated from the topic. I believe it to be complex as it is a multi-layered question, its components being more complex questions. This was (and is) my question: "what is reconciliation?" Given that the name of the institute is IJR and that we were speaking on a matter that directly feeds into the 'reconciliation' process, I really want to understand what this term means. Exactly what are we, as a South African society, trying to reconcile? I believe reconciliation to be a process of bringing together that which once was one? If at all our mandate is to bring together the blacks and whites of our community, should we then not consider whether they were one to begin with. A study of history will show that our people were never one. Black people have been the object of oppression from the very moment Jan Van Riebeeck arrived in the Cape in 1652. Is 'reconciliation' then the right term to use? Has the IJR been correctly named? Has the Institute at the University of the Free State been correctly named? A term offered at a 'reconciliation' workshop I recently attended was 'nation building'. The guest speaker offered that since we have never been one, then maybe we should busy ourselves with the business of building a nation from scratch. Were we to decide on this route, where would we start? In a country with a very diverse population of approximately 51 million with 11 official languages, where do we begin and how do we go about it? Who do we consult about this process? Do we have able leadership to facilitate such a process? Are we even ready for such a process?

On youth education and employment

I choose to call it 'youth employment' so as to affirm that which I want to see in our communities. For a long time, I have advocated for quality education as a tool for poverty alleviation. For me, education is not a mere attainment of a degree, it is rather a process of learning that leads to the attainment of a degree and an ability to actively engage in a democratic society. I believe education to be the one tool that can break the many chains of (different forms) of poverty in our communities, both black and coloured. I now find myself faced with another question, the first having been "how do we empower our youth and communities?" I'm in a space where I know and see that education alone is not enough, it is necessary but not enough. Once educated, what will happen to our youth? Do they then go about looking for jobs? What if they cannot find jobs? Why should they look for jobs? Is it the only thing that they can do? Has the education system equipped them with the skills to do more than looking for a job? Having emphasised the need for education so much, what will be the next step? What opportunities or initiatives are we going to create to ensure that our youth can engage in meaningful activity? In the case of Botswana, what happens when the two years of internship (that follow after university) come to an end? What then happens to the millions of youth than now sit in departments which in most cases are not relevant to what they studied for? What is it going to take for us to start thinking beyond 'job hunting'? Isn't there more?