Of comfort zones and the need to ACT

The decision to move to Cape Town was not an easy one to make. I came to this cross-road after having lived and studied in Bloemfontein for five years. I believe I emerged a different person from when I had first arrived. These five years have been my best thus far and I am very excited about what lies ahead. This growth was due in part to my having become racialized. I only became aware of this fact last month, after eight months of living in Cape Town. This revelation came while conversing with a mentor and sharing with him my experiences of this beautiful yet very unequal city. I shared with him how I'd become ‘Black’ in 2009 after having crossed Botswana’s border into South Africa for the very first time. It was only on that evening that we realized I had become racialized and that my judgement of South African experiences (and society) had become biased in the process. This clouded judgement, if allowed to persist, will become detrimental to South Africa’s progress.

I have had to do a lot of reflection since I came to Cape Town at the beginning of the year. I had thought I had prudently counted the cost and 'ensured' against all the 'risks' that lay ahead as I ventured out of my comfort zone. I was to discover that I could not have anticipated many of the challenges that lay ahead. My biggest challenge proved to be of adjusting to a new living and studying environment. The adjustment to the University of Cape Town was difficult. I know that I am supposed to say it was challenging but, the truth is it was difficult. I believe the worst is over though, and I couldn't be more grateful for the lessons learnt.

My reflection has revealed that I rejected and resisted Cape Town for a long time. For months I resisted. I guess part of this might have been informed by the advice I got from family and friends before I took off for the big city. I was warned that Cape Town might change me and make me 'white'. While that advice was very valid and needed, it kept me from opening myself up to Cape Town and accepting her lessons much earlier.

For months I felt dejected and very angry about the social injustices in Cape Town. When asked how I felt about the mother city I would share that although she possessed so much physical beauty, she lacked internal beauty. I would share that in her shadows lay a very deep darkness that she only revealed to those with the eyes to see. This is still very true but I have had to approach it from another angle, this was primarily for my survival. Anger is a very negative emotion and I doubt I would have made any progress in life had I clung to it.

The anger went on for months and I even wrote about it. The revelation (of the need to let go of the anger) came after I had stumbled and realized I had been doing a lot of talking about that which didn't make me happy. I was doing a lot of talking as opposed to doing something about the wrong I wanted corrected. It is true that Cape Town is very segregated and unequal, we could TALK about this for years; we have enough material. But the truth is NOTHING will change until we take action and eradicate that which we are not happy about. Don't get me wrong, I do value honest communication and dialogue. It’s just that the dialogue has to be coupled with action. Talking alone is not enough.

I have been doing a lot of talking. I have been talking a lot about race relations at the University of the Free State and the broader South Africa. I have been talking a lot about Cape Town's racial and class divides. I have been doing a lot of talking about the disadvantaged position of Africa on the global platform. I have been talking too much about leadership bankruptcy on our continent. And, I now realize that nothing will move until I get up from this very comfortable seat and starting doing something! I need to act. Those intellectual conversations, although necessary, are not going to make anything happen. They are not going create jobs nor will they emancipate us. It is true that at present South Africa's economy is owned white hands, but that will not change until a black young person makes it his mission to build a business that will lead to an exchange in ownership. We cannot wait for the white man to say sorry, we need to act now. Maybe he will say sorry, which I doubt very much, but as we wait let's take action and bring about the change we want to see in this world. Doing something could entail volunteering at a local NGO that equips unemployed youth with digital and entrepreneurial skills. It could be organizing a book-drive in your community to improve literacy levels in a local primary school. It could even be something as ‘small’ as conducting civil-rights information sessions for your neighbours or lobbying your friends to pick up litter from the streets of your town or village. Doing something could be demanding accountability from a Parliamentarian whose performance you are not happy with. Any effort will make a difference, no matter how small.

Botswana too has her problems. Her economy is also owned by white hands, and what's worse is that these white hands are foreign. We find ourselves in a situation where none of the profits made in the country are being reinvested to grow the economy and create employment. How do we grow an economy while all the money it generates is being drained to external pockets? Where do we start in diversifying that which we don't even own? As upset as I am, I know it’s possible for me to just sit here, moan and criticize these hands that are ‘stealing’ from us. But ‘reality’ is my talking will not change anything! My talking will not in any way affect these robbers; they will keep on racking huge profits. I am told that one bank, after having made millions in profits, reserved close to 70% for its foreign owners. We need to do something. A study of Botswana’s banks will show that they are RUN by Batswana. Clearly we have the skills and the experience to run and operate banks. Why can’t we open our own?

Unless we make it our daily business to do something, we can forget about progress. The future of this continent lies in our hands. What will we say when asked of our contribution to ensure prosperity on our continent? Having a nice job and driving a Range Rover is not enough, it is far from enough. I don't want Africa to perish under my watch. We need to act.

Edited version of a piece published on Bonfiire on October 8th, 2014.

Easy Conversations

In response to the 'Embracing my Contradictions' piece I posted a few weeks ago, one of my friends, a gentleman I met here in Cape Town, posed the following:

"I like how you ended this piece: "It’s a work in progress; the contradictions are still here".  I can identify. However, once people start working they don’t have the luxury of dedicating time to their hearts’ desires. Some console themselves by stating they do what they have to do so they may do what they want to do. But I’m not sure how that plays out. Once you start working, how do you see yourself resolving this tension? Let me know? I’m in an uncertain place."

It is true that many people go into the world work hoping to one day be able to do what they are really passionate about. I was one of those people; I thought I would go into corporate, retire at 40 and start working on my own thing. I have recently met a guy who is really passionate about medicine. This gentleman has a degree in Financial Management (if memory serves me right) and he has almost secured a job with one of the biggest financial firms here in Cape Town. He says he wants to accumulate as much money as he can; buy a nice house and a really expensive car and then invest the rest of his life doing what he is really passionate about. This gentleman is set to graduate at the end of the year.

Personally, I am not willing to wait another 10 years before I start working on what I am truly passionate about. I found this brilliant piece a while ago:

“Don’t die with your music still inside of you.”

I am not willing to risk dying with my song unsung.

I have a friend; a young lawyer working for one of Botswana’s law firms. We had a similar conversation earlier this year and he shared that he is not really passionate about his job. He shared that every time he walks into a courtroom, he always thinks of how he would rather be spending the time on his farm. We didn't get into why, with this awareness, he was still holding on to his job. Thing is, it’s not easy to leave once one has committed themselves to mortgages and other types of loans. For some reason, the commitments start piling once one becomes secure in receiving a monthly income that it becomes very difficult to leave. The result is usually a complete lock-down by the system. Life then becomes a mundane routine of working just to pay the bills and maintaining a lifestyle to please the external eye. I need to mention that this is not the case for everyone; I would like to believe that there are people out there who really love their jobs.

I believe it depends on what you want and what your dreams are. The bit that has been shared on this blog is my personal experience. After a lengthy period of introspection (which is ongoing) I have realized that the world of corporate work is not for me. However, I would be willing to work for an organization whose bottom-line is not financial profits but daily impact on human lives. I would also want some flexibility so that I am able to pursue my dreams. Thing is, working for somebody else means that you are helping them realize their dreams. The fundamental question then becomes, when are you going to start work on your dreams? That’s why I would want the flexibility; so I that I too can work on my dreams. As I have also shared in the 'Following Bliss' piece, I am currently trying out at not looking for a job but CREATING A JOB. I wish to not only create work for myself but for many other young people who are without jobs. Imagine if each one of us worked towards creating value and work for ourselves, unemployment rates would decline at a rate never seen before!

I had a lengthy telephonic conversation with one of my best friends a few weeks ago. She had called to just check up on me but somehow I ended up telling her about all the crazy things I want to do. By ‘crazy things’ I mean working on my dreams and not waiting for the environment to become ‘conducive enough’ before I begin doing so. The conversation went on for more than an hour with her sharing how she feels stuck in a job she has had for two years. She described the working experience as “luke-warm”. For her work has become a very mundane routine, it is neither inspiring nor worth looking forward to. She works a 9 am – 5 pm and is not able to do the things that make her heart leap for joy! She is very passionate about writing and spending time with family and finds that even after two years the money she is getting cannot make up for the life she had wanted for herself. She has since decided to allow herself a year of introspection and research. After this year she will submit a letter of resignation. She inspires me.  

I hope these shared experiences may be of help as you search for answers relevant to your heart's very unique desires.

Following Bliss

"Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." I was first exposed to these words in 2009 when I read Rhonda Byrne's 'The Secret' for the very first time. I need to mention how special a book this text has become to me, I take it with me everywhere I travel. Even though I first read it in 2009, it was only in 2012 that I began to understand what it was communicating to me. It was also only in 2012 that these words first 'popped out' to me! I was in the third and last year of my undergraduate degree at the time. I had been studying on one evening and had taken a break to read a section of the book. The words stirred something very deep inside of me; I wanted to know what the words meant for me and the trajectory I was on. I had in the previous year admitted (to me) that the Actuarial path was not working for me so this reading was an answer of sorts.

I have never been able to fully 'get' what these words mean. I non-the-less have had to make sense of them myself and ask for guidance from these words. For me, they mean following that which makes you feel most alive and inspired. They mean doing that which makes your heart jump for joy! They relate to those activities within which you just lose yourself! Activities that you would want do even if you were not getting paid to do them. It means doing only that which your heart says yes to. For Thomas Edison it was the light bulb, the gentleman had to have a go at it 10 000 times before he succeeded. For Henry Ford, it was building cars. For Steve Jobs, it was designing a phone with pretty buttons that people would almost want to eat! How crazy and awesome is that!

I find that over the years too much focus has been on trying to find what I wanted to be (e.g. Actuary, Psychologist or Academic) as opposed to what I wanted to do. Too much time was invested in trying to find a label for it and placing it in a box as opposed to allowing the heart to take lead and guide me into areas of passion. I also realize that much of this has been informed by my upbringing. From an early age, I have had people ask me what I wanted to be! And I had to come up with answers. I had to categorize myself and place myself is a certain box of speciality. Even though this has worked for many people, I find it to have been a point of great struggle for me over the years. With self analysis and constant self conversation, I now know that I want to do only that which I am passionate about even if this means doing an activity without a label. Much of my struggle earlier this year was due to my thinking that my degree should definitely inform what I do when I finish studying. I thought the Actuarial Science and Statistics meant that I should get a job in a bank or some corporate firm and have a corner office. Honestly, these things (corporate, corner office, corporate ladder, power suit) don't keep me awake at night. They don't inspire any form of creativity in me.

In the process I have also had to let go of wanting a JOB. The 'need' for a job is something that has also been enforced by society for a long time.  I write 'need' because we don't really need it. For twenty years, society had told me to study, get good grades and find a good job. I wish somebody had advised me to build my own empire! I have been told that success lies in wearing a power suit and driving a Range Rover. Even though I still do want my Range Rover, I don't believe that this is or should be the definition of success for me. For a long time I have been taught that success lies in a swift climb up the corporate ladder and proving me to be the best in my industry. 

I have had to let go of this misleading notion and it has been a very liberating process. It is also very scary for it entails walking away from that which has informed my decisions for two decades. It feels as if the very foundations of my doing have been taken away. It’s funny how we feel so secure in looking for a JOB and working for other people! It’s even more fascinating how scared we are to work on our dreams instead and possibly employ ourselves! I sometimes feel like I'm losing it though! I mean, who doesn't want to get a job, buy a nice car, and have drinks with friends at Capello every Friday night and talk about WORK!? It’s a scary process but it is one I am willing to embrace. I'm willing to step away (even if just for three months) from what I have been taught for twenty years and try out at a different song. I want to sing MY SONG and see how the melody appeals to me.

In my search for answers I've discovered a few things. This is what I know for sure:

- I feel most alive when in the company of youngsters, listening to stories of their dreams and helping build strategies for the realization of these dreams.

- I feel most alive when giving a word of encouragement and inspiration.

- I feel most alive as I write this.

- I feel most alive when I speak on matters of Education and youth empowerment on our African continent.

- I feel most alive when in conversation about personal growth and advancement.

- I want to BUILD things.

- If I were to get a job, I would need flexibility. I want time to BE and work on MY dreams. For me, BEING entails Yoga, a lot of reading, writing and journaling towards self-actualization. This job would also have to be in an organization whose bottom-line is direct sustainable impact in people's lives.

Universe, this is my declaration!!